Autism has changed me. It has turned me into a person that no longer thinks linearly. Autism has morphed me into a better person to be completely honest. The ups and down that we have undergone, the challenges we have faced, and the adversity that is yet to come have made me a mother I never knew I could be.
With Change Comes Challenges
I will never forget the moment I thought something was off. I remember worrying, crying, and asking God, "why me?, why my son?". Although those evil thoughts creep in my mind sometimes, I choose to think differently now. I choose to see past the diagnosis and into my son. My son single-handedly has changed my life for the better. Without him, my purpose was confusing, clouded, and unfulfilling but now my purpose is clear. My purpose is to be the best mother I can be, to become an advocate for a cause, and to understand that all minds are not the same. He is the strongest person I know.
I no longer care what others think which use to be 100% me. I would care what my friends, family, and even people that have never even spoken to me thought. Their acceptance validated me, but as I age and as new challenges arise I no longer give a sh*t. Negative energy, judgments, and other character-sucking people or things are out. There are better uses of our energy than conforming to the words of trolls.
Learning to Change and Adapt
My son has given me the chance to see differences and accept multiple learning strategies. I have discovered other senses, I have learned to understand the sensitivity of others, and I have learned to differentiate not only life but my teaching. He did this. He made me better, stronger, and more thorough and knowing that I have Ellis in my life has made life so much more enjoyable. He is the love I have always wanted and needed.
My days look different now, I don't have as many friends, I choose to make life comfortable (but sometimes challenging) for my son, and I choose to find comfort with the people I know who understand and want to help Ellis succeed. I choose to be an advocate, a voice, and a mother who will do anything for her son.
-E
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